Dostoevsky Reflection: Freedom and Utopia's

Feodor Dostoevsky’s Notes from the Underground was one of my favorite readings since Camus. I was most intrigued by the speaker’s take on free will and how that had to do with him refusing to seek treatment for his illness.

There is something in human nature that seems to drive us to self-destruct just because we can. It’s hard to talk about because it’s at times so obviously irrational or selfish that we cannot avoid trying to justify it to ourselves. We tell ourselves we are not going to the doctor because it’s too expensive or we’re too busy or we don’t trust doctors. Sometimes these are in fact our true reasons, but other times we say things like this because it would be ridiculous to explain that we are risking our own lives out of spite. Spite for who? Our doubt?

I don’t know if we have free will, though I am inclined to say that we do. But the scariest part of that question for me is not the idea that maybe we don’t have free will, but the fact that there is any doubt at all. Knowing that everything I do is determined would be scary, but then at least I’d know for sure. And that’s why this reading struck such a cord with me. It is those moments when we know we are acting with complete disregard for rationality, knowing full well we are making the wrong decision, that we tend to feel the most in control. Because in our lives, there’s almost always a more rational path to take. If we make every decision based on what is more rational, that really does not feel like freedom. So it’s those moments we rebel that we feel we are proving to ourselves that we are free.

I don’t think that making bad decisions on purpose is actually anymore of an exercise of free will than making good decisions on purpose. If we have free will, I think we could certainly freely make the most rational decisions all the time and still be free actors. But there’s a reason it doesn’t feel that way. There’s a reason our supposed rebellion can make us feel so in control.

And this is why when we asked the question in class “can a utopia exist” I was so quick in my mind to dismiss that idea. But other people were not as eager to write this off, and I’m glad, because after a couple of people were open-minded to the idea, I was convinced too. Theoretically, a utopia could exist. It’s hard to say what exactly that would look like, but it’s possible. But the reason I felt so much tension with it was because it would require us to give up a lot of freedom. And that might be for the better! And if I’m being honest with myself, there is not a single society in the world that doesn’t require us to give up certain freedoms to live cooperatively in it. Because what we don’t like to admit about freedom is total freedom is contradictory. Certain freedoms necessarily take away other freedoms. But it’s not about what we logically know, it’s about what we feel. And for humans, sometimes feeling free is more important than actually being free.